“When your brother falls on hard times…hold him up…” (25:35)

“I looked at my watch. It was starting to get to the point where you begin to wonder, ‘Are we going to make it back for Shabbos?’ Things were moving very slowly in the oncology ward that Friday. And that was after we rerouted to Philadelphia because Sloan Kettering in Manhattan told us that they didn’t have enough transfusions for us.”

That was the beginning of the first story that Rabbi Avraham Bernstein* wanted to tell me when I got in touch with him after my friend, R’ Eli Stefansky, told me about the former’s connection to MDY (Merkaz Daf Yomi). With his one-of-a-kind daf yomi shiur, Eli is practically a household name by this point. Being a friend and close neighbor to the MDY Beis Medrash, it’s only natural that I occasionally hear stories from Eli about the “MDY Family”. The usual fare is a story about someone who hadn’t opened a Gemara in decades for whom the daf is now the highlight of his day, or a siyum celebration thrown by a chassidisheh Yid in NY at which there were all types and stripes. People who would have otherwise never in a million years had anything to do with one another. A really special type of achdus. And I’ve seen it with my own eyes too. You walk into MDY and you simply see it and feel it. There is an electricity in the air. And it’s all about Torah. I know Eli, so that part is not surprising. He’s a larger-than-life type of person whose whole being is “Torah is enjoyable and awesome” and he knows how to radiate that feeling outwards and draw other people into it. But the fact that he’s managed to do it digitally as well – changing the lives of so many thousands of Jews all over the world – that part is perhaps the most awe inspiring of all.

But the story of nine-year-old Shlomi* was of a different league altogether. And when Eli told it to me on our way out of MDY one night after Maariv, breaking down into tears right there in the middle of the street as he did so, I felt, “This story, I’ve got to write up.” Because there are so many people that will be inspired by it. To learn more Torah, or to learn it with greater connection. To do more chesed. Maybe to become part of the MDY family by joining Eli’s shiur and tasting what it means to really enjoy learning Torah. Or maybe just to feel, “mi k’amcha Yisrael”. But to do so, I felt that I first needed to speak to Shlomi’s father, Rabbi Avraham Bernstein, and hear it from his angle.

“The nurse that knew us well and would often help us to speed things up wasn’t around that Friday,” Rabbi Bernstein continued, “and each test and bureaucracy-esque-step was painstakingly protracted. Hospital-stays become numerous and frequent with a patient who is suffering from a brain-tumor. And some of those hospital stays are extensive, so every minute at home becomes beyond precious. It’s something that makes you realize how much of a bracha it is to simply be able to be at home with your family…

“Shlomi had a tzaddik of a doctor here in Lakewood who would let us come early every morning to his office to take a quick blood test. That way, I would know if it would be necessary for him to get a transfusion that day, or if I could plan out a more-or-less normal schedule. Transfusions are done in day hospitals – meaning that if everything goes perfectly, an overnight stay can be avoided – but it requires full admission to the hospital and dealing with hours upon hours of procedures. And that particular erev Shabbos was anything but a best-case scenario. To top it all off, when the transfusion was all done and I was dressing Shlomi to go home, we saw an allergic reaction showing on his skin. It was’t anything major, but the nurse was adamant that it needed to be dealt with.

“It was so strange. We had been through many transfusions and Shlomi had never before had an adverse reaction. My anxiety levels about getting stuck in the hospital for Shabbos were going through the roof. I asked the medical staff if he could be administered the drug through his feeding tube. It would be much quicker. They insisted, though, that it had to be done through his infusion port…

“By the time we were finally, finally all finished with everything, I plugged my home address into Waze and saw that I would make it before shkiah by a mere few minutes.

“While I was driving, every fiber of my being was intensely focused on the road, so, even though I physically saw him standing there as I passed him by, it just didn’t register. ‘Tatte!’ I heard Shlomi say, ‘There’s a boy there!’ I stopped as quickly as I could and then carefully backed up to the boy who was all dressed for Shabbos, standing hazardously on the shoulder of the highway. When I asked him what he was doing there, he told me that he and his father were on their way to Lakewood, but their car burst into flames. His father, who had gone back to retrieve his teffilin, appeared a few moments later. It quickly became obvious to me that they had missed an exit, and that’s the only reason they wound up where they were. Had they taken the exit that they were supposed to have taken, I wouldn’t have met up with them at all. Beyond that, the normal traffic that I had expected to encounter on the Walt Whitman Bridge was inexplicably non-existent, and because traffic was flowing much faster than usual I was able to reach that spot precisely when they needed me to be there. I hurried them into my car and told the man that we’d work out the details on the way. Traffic continued to be very light, and their destination was right on my way. I was able to drop them off and easily make it home before shkiah. It was a day that had started out looking like the yad Hashem was completely hidden and ended up being a dazzling display of open hashgacha.”

Rabbi Bernstein then proceeded to tell me about his incredible experience with Eli Stefansky’s daf yomi shiur and the extended MDY family.

“Towards the end of Pesach, Shlomi’s situation became critical and we had no choice but to go back to the hospital. That was April of 2020. Covid panic by that point had reached a feverish pitch and for eighteen straight days my wife and I were not allowed to even leave Shlomi’s room. But we felt Hashem’s intense love for us manifest in the spectacular sunrise and views of nature that we were privy to every day from Shlomi’s ninth-floor room. After those eighteen days, we were allowed to leave the room, but we were not allowed to go home. Baruch Hashem, between my older daughters and other family members, our other children back in Lakewood were well taken care of, but it was no easy experience. The Covid lockdown lasted about three or four months, and Lakewood in particular was viewed as a high-risk hotspot. Between dealing with all the doctors and nurses, as well as spending a couple hours teaching my students via Zoom, I had very little time to myself each day.

“But, most days at 2:15 pm and most nights at 1 am, things quieted down. I wanted to relax and give my neshama a little bit of nourishment, so I started listening to Eli Stefansky’s daf yomi shiur. I was already familiar with his 8-minute daf-review on TorahAnytime from the many days I had spent in the past in the day-hospital, and now I was looking for something more substantial. So I started listening to the full shiur. What a mechayeh it was. Such a chizuk… At that time, he was giving it twice a day – precisely at the times that I had some peace and quiet – and I attended live via Zoom. At least once a day. Sometimes twice.”

At this point, I am going to momentarily let Yehoshua Ehrenpreiss, formerly one of Eli’s devoted assistants, take over the narrative.

“One day we saw that there’s someone joining the live shiur through Zoom, not showing his face. The only thing we saw was CHOP. We had no idea what CHOP is supposed to mean, so someone tried texting him through the Zoom chat. But there was no response. We’ve got thousands of people from all over the world who are members of the shiur, with hundreds on the live Zoom, and we’re naturally very wary of phishers and scammers. A number of attempts were made to get CHOP to turn on his video, to no avail. Eventually, we felt there was no choice but to text CHOP that if he doesn’t turn on his video, he’ll be blocked. There’s a lot of responsibility when you’re dealing with so many people, and we just can’t take any chances.

“Then we got the email.

“Rabbi Bernstein wrote to us at length, identifying himself by name and telling us that he has a son who is struggling with a cancerous tumor in his brain, how he and his wife are quarantined in the hospital with him – despite none of them having Covid – and that the sights and sounds of an ICU hospital room with an intubated child would be very unpleasant for all the other shiur members to see and hear. He told us that the shiur is such a chizuk for him and that we should please not block him. Once we understood the story, we were more than happy to have him with us.”

Now, how exactly the broader MDY family found out that there is a couple stuck in the hospital with their young son who was battling a particular aggressive form of cancer, I didn’t hear clearly from any of the people I spoke to. But the truth is that it’s really not a question, because that’s just how participants in Eli’s shiur feel about each other. That they’re all part of one huge family. And Rabbi Bernstein found that out soon enough.

“My case manager from Chai Lifeline started calling me on an almost daily basis. ‘Some people who say they are part of MDY are asking what they can do for your family.’ The case manager had no idea who they were. I told him that between Chai Lifeline and all the other support we were getting, baruch Hashem we don’t need anything. But the MDY people just wouldn’t let up. Time after time, I tried telling the case manager to tell them that really we’re fine, but it was to no avail. These anonymous MDY people felt that they simply had to do something. They just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I gave up trying to politely decline their offers, and when the case manager told me that they want to send gifts for my kids, I said, ‘Alright. But since I have no idea who these people are, how about if they send the gifts to your address. You know our family quite well by now, so you’ll be able to tell us if it’s stuff that is appropriate for our kids.’ Boy was I in for a shock. I figured they’ll send some little chotchkes, but a few days later I got an email from the case manager with a picture of about twenty or thirty individual toys. Hundreds of dollars’ worth of toys! I couldn’t believe it. Who are these people who don’t know me at all and feel like they simply have to shower our family with their warmth and concern?!”

In addition to the gifts, anonymous people were sponsoring Eli’s shiur as a zechus for Shlomi to have a refuah shleimah. Of course, Eli mentioned Shlomi’s name during the shiur. People davened. For about six months, Shlomi’s name was on the top of the list of people for whom Tehillim were said every day after the shiur. “It was just incredible,” Rabbi Bernstein said, “that dozens of people all over the world who didn’t know us at all, and to this day I don’t know who they are since they did it anonymously, donated money to give the zechus of so many shiurim to my son. For so many days, Shlomi’s name was on the dedication board. The chizuk that we got and still get from it is very difficult to put into words.”

Perhaps the biggest surprise, though, happened during the time period that Shlomi’s older brother was getting ready for his bar mitzvah. How exactly the MDY family knew that Shlomi has a brother who was closing in on his bar mitzvah… again, I was not told. It was just taken for granted that they’d somehow know.

“At a certain point,” Rabbi Bernstein recalled, “the case manager told me that the anonymous MDY people want to do something big for the bar mitzvah. The previous summer, Chai Lifeline had taken him out for some boating, and since I kept trying to politely decline, the case manager decided on his own to tell them that the bar mitzvah boy enjoys kayaking and boating, so they should buy him a kayak. When I heard about it, I thought it must be a joke or an exaggeration, so I responded, ‘Fine. They want to buy him a kayak? No problem.’ I cannot describe to you how shocked we were when one day a full-size kayak was delivered to our house! And it’s not as if these people ever gave up. They also wanted to do something for our other kids, and that ‘something’ came in the form of a laptop so that we could Zoom with our kids and they could see us and their brother! And an added benefit was that one of our daughters was able to use it to work from our home while she was caring for our other children. It was a real lifesaver for her. One time, right before Yom Kippur, they sent us a whole delivery of newly released books and sefarim…”

And then there was the story of the pillow. It’s this part that made Eli cry when he told it to me even though many months had passed since it happened. Hearing it from Rabbi Bernstein’s perspective, as well, I understood why.

“One day,” Rabbi Bernstein began, “a package was delivered to me with a note that I should open it up on the day of the siyum for Maseches Shabbos. It was to be the first siyum that would take place in the then-newly built MDY Beis Medrash, and it was set to be quite the special occasion. When I opened it, I found a beautiful pillowcase with the MDY logo printed on it, and a note saying that it was for Shlomi’s pillow. At one point, I wrote an email to Eli about the Gemara that says that the Shechina rests by the head of an ill patient, and that since I watch the shiur live in Shlomi’s room, the whole shiur gets to be part of that hashraas ha’Shechina. I came to feel that it was so appropriate that Shlomi’s head rested on an MDY pillow. Because now MDY would be by his head together with the Shechina.”

Time passed, and, one day, Yehoshua Ehrenpreiss realized that they hadn’t heard from Rabbi Bernstein in a while. On a whim, Yehoshua decided to give him a call. Apparently, min ha’Shamayim it was arranged that the MDY family would sense that they needed to reach out… Rabbi Bernstein picked up the phone and what he said left Yehoshua completely stunned. Shlomi was niftar and Rabbi Bernstein had returned home from the levaya only a few hours ago.

Less than five minutes after Yehoshua got off the phone with Rabbi Bernstein, Eli called to be menachem avel. “I was devastated,” Eli related. “So many zechusim were dedicated for Shlomi. So much davening. It was such a hard hit. I cried so much that night, and I hoped that by the morning when I would tell everyone in the shiur the bitter news that I would be able to hold it together, but I just didn’t manage to hold the tears back. During those days of shiva for Shlomi, I cried so much that I started to feel ill…”

And during those days that the Bernstein family sat shiva, the outpouring of love and care from the MDY family was enormous. People anonymously dedicated shiurim l’iluy nishmas Shlomi, dozens of people from all over Lakewood who were not at all acquainted with the Bernsteins came to be menachem avel. People from outside of Lakewood also came…from as far as Baltimore, Maryland. Someone from Crown Heights who drove for hours to pay a shiva call thought that since he didn’t know the Bernsteins at all that he’d just go in, sit down for a few minutes, say the ha’Makom yenacheim and leave. But Rabbi Bernstein was so moved that he came, and they wound up speaking for about two hours.

Eli was in the States on the Pesach following Shlomi’s passing, and there was to be an MDY siyum on Maseches Shekalim a few days before Pesach in the Queens area. Rabbi Bernstein made the trip to attend. “The feeling of hakaras ha’tov that I have for everything that the shiur and the whole MDY experience meant for me is just indescribable. From the bottom of my heart, I wanted to thank Eli and the entire MDY family. I was actually asked to say the kaddish and speak at that siyum, and I had a whole thing planned. But, at the last minute, I pulled the plug on it because I realized it would turn the whole simcha into an aveilus and that it just wouldn’t be right to do that. Instead, I went over to Eli privately after the siyum. I handed him the MDY pillowcase and told him, ‘This is a very special pillowcase. It’s a very chashuveh pillowcase… It’s only right that you should have it. This pillowcase embodies the fact that the hashraas ha’Shechina that was by my son’s head was also in MDY. That MDY is an integral part of that hashraas ha’Shechina. Please, take it and use it by the Seder…”

Eli was overawed. He and Rabbi Bernstein parted with great emotion. An emotion that has not waned in intensity despite the passage of time. Because that’s really the way it is with MDY. They’re a family. A family united by the kedusha and simcha of learning Torah.

Postscript: Eli did use the pillowcase by the Seder that Pesach. He was so emotional about it that he felt he simply had to share the awe-inspiring moment with others. He went over to a few people in the hotel dining room where he and his family were having their Seder, and told them the story of Shlomi’s MDY pillowcase, with its tragic yet poignantly inspiring ending. Then he held the pillowcase for them to see. And when they saw it, they too were moved to tears.

* Names have been changed.

 

If you’d like to be notified each time a new story is posted, email storiesforshabbos@inspiredtorah.com

Please pass on the inspiration and share this story with your family and friends! Send them the link: https://inspiredtorah.com/pillowcase/