Skip to content
No results
  • 101 Engaging Questions
  • 101 Engaging Questions Download Page
  • About אודות
  • Account
  • All Posts
  • Buy Credits
  • Buy in Print
  • Cart
  • Checkout
  • Contact
  • Contact צור קשר
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 10
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 11
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 12
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 13
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 14
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 15
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 16
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 17
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 18
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 19
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 2
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 20
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 21
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 22
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 23
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 24
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 25
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 26
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 27
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 3
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 4
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 5
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 6
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 7
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 8
  • DafQuiz – Chagigah Daf 9
  • DafQuiz – Megillah
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 10
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 11
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 12
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 13
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 14
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 15
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 16
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 17
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 18
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 19
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 2
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 20
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 21
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 22
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 23
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 24
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 25
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 26
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 27
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 28
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 29
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 3
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 4
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 5
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 6
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 7
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 8
  • DafQuiz – Moed Katan Daf 9
  • DafQuiz – Most Recent DafQuiz
  • DafQuiz – Previous Quizzes
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 2
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 3
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 4
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 5
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 6
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 7
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 8
  • DafQuiz – Yevamos Daf 9
  • DafQuiz Parent Page
  • DafQuiz Previous Quizzes
  • Divrei Torah and Stories of HaGaon HaKadosh Rav Moshe Twersky Hy”d
  • Haskamos of Rav Aharon Lopiansky and Rav Daniel Neustadt for Sameiach Tesamach and Chachmos Nashim
  • Home
  • ICSE – ED Streaming
  • ICSE – Emotional Challenges Streaming
  • ICSE – FOD Streaming
  • ICSE – Keeping it Fresh & Alive Streaming
  • ICSE – PE Streaming
  • ICSE – SDD Streaming
  • ICSE – Technical Difficulties Streaming
  • ICSE Series
  • Login
  • My account
  • Privacy Policy
  • Sample Excerpts of Chachmos Nashim
  • Sample excerpts of Sameiach Tesamach
  • Shalom Bayis
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Thank You
  • Thoughtful, inspiring shalom bayis content (free!)
  • Welcome to the Shop page. Please choose a category.
  • החלפות והחזרים
  • מוגנות
  • שיעורים
  • תקנון
Inspired Torah
Inspired Torah
  • All Posts
  • Shop
  • Contact צור קשר
  • Shalom Bayis
  • מוגנות
  • שיעורים
  • About אודות
  • ICSE Series
  • LOGIN
Inspired Torah
Inspired Torah

Bad Stories?

  • Yehoshua BermanYehoshua Berman
  • January 25, 2022
  • Post

“Let me tell you a story.

Now that I have your attention—and I hope and believe I do—consider with me why an invitation to listen to a story—most any sort of story—is easily the most powerful way of engaging human beings.” That is how Marshall Duke, Professor of Psychology at Emory University, once introduced his 2015 article, A Voyage Homeward: Fiction and Family Stories—Resilience and Rehabilitation.

Duke emphasized that the human interest in stories is universal. “People tell and listen to stories,” Duke underscored, “in every culture that anthropologists have ever studied; stories are told about real people, imaginary people… about times past, times present and even times yet to be…This universality places stories into a unique category [that] rises above time, place, culture, and individual differences.”

But the most important discovery of Duke et al by far – and Duke himself calls it “among our most powerful findings” – is this: “the more children knew about the history of their families (both the good and the bad things in their history!) the stronger they were, the more resilient, the higher self-esteem, the better their families functioned, the less likely they were to have difficulties in adjustment.”

“Many parent groups that I have spoken with,” Duke once disclosed in an op-ed, “fear telling their children so-called bad stories in which bad things happen to good people. However, it has been our experience that bad stories do more to immunize children and build resilience than happy ones…hearing about overcoming bad things tells children that they are part of a family that rises above and faces the problem squarely…This helps them realize that when they come upon their own “monsters”, they will be able to overcome them as well.”

Interestingly enough, this was a primary educational tool employed by HaRav Yitzchak Isaac Sher, Rosh Yeshiva of Slobodka. In the book, Sichos Im HaRav Shlomo Hoffman, the author, Rabbi Meir Simcha Stein, records how Rav Hoffman described in great detail the way Rav Sher would recount to his talmidim his own struggles with the yeitzer hara, and how Rav Hoffman did the same.

A young man who finds himself assailed by an inappropriate thought, Rav Hoffman pointed to as an example, is prone to thinking that he is a horrible rasha and must be some terrible deviant for entertaining thoughts that no upstanding Jew would ever allow to defile his mind! That feeling alone, Rav Hoffman elaborated on the basis of Rav Sher’s teachings (who received them in turn as a mesorah from the Alter of Slobodka who received them from Rav Yisrael Salanter), can be far more dangerous than the sin itself. And when a rebbi, or other mentor figure, shares with his talmidim his own struggles that he went through as a young man – and the struggles that they can look forward to in older age – it empowers them to realize that a) they are normal, and b) this is manageable. Perseverance becomes a real option.

“When we hear stories,” Duke says, “we are given the opportunity to see how other people think. This sort of inside-other-people’s-minds information is rarely available to us in real life.”

Inherent in man’s creation is the quality of lo tov heyos ha’adam levado. Humanity abhors solitude. We are creatures of social interconnection and interdependence.  Isolation – whether real or imagined – can be debilitating and even arresting. Accordingly, it is very much in the yeitzer hara’s interest to induce in a person a sense of languishing lonesomeness in occupying a realm of unfathomable evil. To be sure, our ambitious youth do need to hear stories of the pinnacles of greatness attained by those who applied themselves and actualized their latent potential. Equally inescapable, though, is that an exclusive illustration of a utopia impossible, will necessarily cast them into a disillusion and despair so thick and black when they experience the inevitable failures along their life’s journey, that groping for an exit may appear entirely futile.

While we do inspire our youth with images of pristine greatness, it is equally important to recognize that the stories which most strongly immunize and build resilience are the so-called bad ones. Stories in which ugly monsters appear. Because everyone will have his or her monsters to face from time to time – whether those monsters are external or internal – and knowing that we come from a long line of people who faced monsters and managed to continue plugging along, is the single greatest source of encouragement and strength that one could possibly have.

Click here to buy a digital download of my book, Reflections on the Parsha

Copyright © 2025 - WordPress Theme by CreativeThemes